Naruto Non Cannon Non Sense
by 01Corkscrew
Summary: These are stories are something that I thought of a few years back but never typed them down. Rated M for Hidan.
1. Too Much Naruto

**Naruto Non Cannon Non Sense**

_**Chapter 1: Too Much Naruto**_

**On the 1****st**** Season of Naruto, Masashi gave to us.**

A special bowl of ramen just for me.

**On the 2****nd**** Season of Naruto, Masashi gave to us.**

Two Drawn Out Fight-Scenes

And a special bowl of ramen just for me.

**On the 3****rd**** Season of Naruto, Masashi gave to us.**

Three Sannin

Two Drawn Out Fight-Scenes

And a special bowl of ramen just for me.

**On the 4****th**** Season of Naruto, Masashi gave to us.**

Four New Friends

Three Sannin

Two Drawn Out Fight-Scenes

And a special bowl of ramen just for me.

**On the 5****th**** Season of Naruto, Masashi gave to us.**

Five Broken Bonds!

Four New Friends

Three Sannin

Two Drawn Out Fight-Scenes

And a special bowl of ramen just for me.

**On the 6****th**** Season of Naruto, Masashi gave to us.**

Six Paths of Pain

Five Broken Bonds!

Four New Friends

Three Sannin

Two Drawn Out Fight-Scenes

And a special bowl of ramen just for me.

**On the 7****th**** Season of Naruto, Masashi gave to us.**

Seven Mist Swordsmen

Six Paths of Pain

Five Broken Bonds!

Four New Friends

Three Sannin

Two Drawn Out Fight-Scenes

And a special bowl of ramen just for me.

**On the 8****th**** Season of Naruto, Masashi gave to us.**

Eight Madaras Scheming

Seven Mist Swordsmen

Six Paths of Pain

Five Broken Bonds!

Four New Friends

Three Sannin

Two Drawn Out Fight-Scenes

And a special bowl of ramen just for me.

**On the 9****th**** Season of Naruto, Masashi gave to us.**

Nine Tailed Demons

Eight Madaras Scheming

Seven Mist Swordsmen

Six Paths of Pain

Five Broken Bonds!

Four New Friends

Three Sannin

Two Drawn Out Fight-Scenes

And a special bowl of ramen just for me.

**On the 10****th**** Season of Naruto, Masashi gave to us.**

Ten Akatsuki

Nine Tailed Demons

Eight Madaras Scheming

Seven Mist Swordsmen

Six Paths of Pain

Five Broken Bonds

Four New Friends

Three Sannin

Two Drawn Out Fight-Scenes

And a special bowl of ramen just for me.

**On the 11****th**** Season of Naruto, Masashi gave to us.**

Eleven Filler Arcs

Ten Akatsuki

Nine Tailed Demons

Eight Madaras Scheming

Seven Mist Swordsmen

Six Paths of Pain

Five Broken Bonds!

Four New Friends

Three Sannin

Two Drawn Out Fight-Scenes

And a special bowl of ramen just for me.

**On the 12****th**** Season of Naruto, Masashi Gave to us.**

Twelve Flashback Moments

Eleven Filler Arcs

Ten Akatsuki

Nine Tailed Demons

Eight Madaras Scheming

Seven Mist Swordsmen

Six Paths of Pain

Five Broken Bonds!

Four New Friends

Three Sannin

Two Drawn Out Fight-Scenes

And a special bowl of ramen just for me.


	2. Invasion Pt 1

**Naruto Non Cannon Non Sense**

_**Chapter 2: Invasion Pt. 1**_

Twas the Night before the Invasion,

And Sasori's jutsu was off by its equation.

The Akatsuki were squirrels it wasn't funny,

Except for Tobi who would rather be a bunny.

Deidara struck Tobi and began to shout,

His personality to switch and Madara came out.

To see what had happened his rage a flame,

Glared at Sasori who was the cause and blame.

Madara did role call to see who was there;

Hidan was missing but just didn't care.

Madara tried to think of a plan to arrange,

But saw the Akatsuki's forms were strange.

He himself was orange and swirly;

He hoped at least he didn't look girly.

Itachi was black Sharingan was showing,

His long black pony tail without his knowing.

Deidara was blonde; his hairstyle was there,

Looking for his scope which he didn't know where.

Sasori was calm and furry red,

With his hairstyle on top his head.

Kisame was blue, his sharp teeth shining;

The annoying thing was his constant whining.

Kakuzu was grey, his eyes were green,

And he was in shock of what he'd just seen.

All looked around to see if Zetsu was there,

But when they found him they all started to stare.

In place of where Zetsu should be,

A small two headed flytrap it's easy to see.

It sitting in a pot turned to look;

The noise that came made them all shook.

Madara looked around to see where they are,

Konoha it said the sign from afar.

He scurried over to the little Zetsu pot

"Come here you idiots, I just made a plot"

He said with a positive tone

"We must use the opportunity that's been shown."

Out of nowhere Madara did have,

A walkie talkie and duck tape in halve.

Walkie talkie taped to Zetsu now,

Only thing the Akatsuki could say "Wow."

"Ha! No one will find out ever."

Madara did boast thinking he was clever.

With few words the silence broke,

When Deidara exclaimed "This must be a joke."

"You can't be serious,"

Itachi said thinking Madara was delirious.

Everything was obvious even to an ant,

The walkie talkie was bigger than the plant

The antenna stuck out in an obvious fashion,

Even the duck tape which was used to fascine.

Madara stood tall and began to shout,

His genius plan that no one would doubt.

"Listen up everyone that involves also Zetsu,

This is what will happen this is what we'll do.

Before we attach ever so violent,

We'll enter the village quickly and silent.

We'll sneak Zetsu into their leader's office,

And Kisame but down that crawfish.

With enough time we'll find what we seek,

We'll find the spot where the village is weak."

Out of no where came a loud sound,

Something was coming for them bound.

The Akatsuki ran and hid down low,

When Madara realized "Hey that's Naruto!"

Kakuzu looked around then all realized too,

Sasori fist burst "Oh Crap, We forgot Zetsu!"

All we're exhausted from the heat and began to pant,

When Naruto looked down and said "What a cool plant."

Not wanting to lose all that he toiled,

Madara ran quick and yelled "Without him my plan is foiled!"

Madara jumped on Naruto as he said,

"If you don't drop Zetsu prepare to be dead."

Naruto swung his arm ahead,

It hit Madara and he hit his head.

Without reason or any sane,

Tobi jumped up "Tobi is back again."

Naruto looked down to what he had hit,

Tobi looked up and smiled a bit.

Naruto grabbed Tobi in a way that looked cruel,

He got happy and yelled "This thing looks so cool!"

Tobi and Zetsu were caught like a mouse,

And Naruto took them back to his house.

The Akatsuki decided to continue with the plan,

And they would keep what happed to Madara man to man.

But their effort plan was for naught,

When each Akatsuki were found and caught.

Out of the sand Hidan awoke,

Inside a cage when he heard someone spoke.

Hidan was delirious due to the heat,

He stumbled as tried to get on his feet.

The heat gave him pain when he yelled out "MOO!"

Back to his senses yelled out "WHO THE F**K ARE YOU?"

Unable to get a look he mumbled "Are you Niki?"

He looked harder and realized "You're the sand Jinchūriki!"

All Akatsuki were caught b some youth,

But all who saw them knew not of the truth.

Kakuzu was with Tsunade that losing queen,

Itachi with Kakashi who were both very keen.

Ino had Deidara, who looked exactly the same,

Sasuke got Sasori who called him lame.

Kisame was with Might Gai, who he hated more,

Gai stared at Kisame and said "Have we met before?"

All the Akatsuki thought this was like hell,

But this is as for as I'm gonna tell.

As the sun rose and a new day began,

Until the next time this is the END.


	3. Somebody's stalkin' me

**Naruto Non Cannon Non Sense**

_**K-I-L-L Radio Pt. 1 Itachi**_

'_Welcome everyone to K-I-Double L music station! Where we play the hottest music by your favorite villains. First we have a hit single by Itachi Uchiha of the Akatsuki. '_

_**Itachi: Someone's Stalkin' Me**_

Who's stalkin'  
>Tell me, who's stalkin'<br>Who's stalkin' me

I slaughtered my whole clan  
>In the dead of night<br>My brother who survive  
>I told to live and thrive<br>Now all he does is hate

And show emoness  
>But why am I stuck with this guy<br>With a Shark like fate

(I always feel like)  
>(Somebody's stalkin' me)<br>My Brother wants to kill me

Whooooa-oh-oh  
>(I always feel like)<br>(Somebody's stalkin' me)  
>Tell me, is it fantasy<p>

I'm now an Akatsuki right  
>We partners very tight<br>We travel to rule the world  
>And capture nine beast tailed<br>But brother Sasuke found me  
>He fought but he failed<p>

When we met again

That day we fought so hard  
>We used are Sharingan and I<br>Had black flames causing eye stain  
>Brother says I'm crazy<br>A little strife  
>But I did it all for my<br>Foolish little brother's life  
>That's why<p>

(I always feel like)  
>(Somebody's stalkin' me)<br>My brother wants to kill me  
>Whooooa, oh-oh<br>(I always feel like)  
>(Somebody's stalkin' me)<br>Can he really kill me

[Instrumental Interlude]

(Who's stalkin' me)  
>I don't know anymore<br>Are the AMBU stalkin' me  
>(Who's stalkin')<br>Well, is the Akatsuki stalkin' me  
>(Tell me, who's stalkin')<br>And I don't see well anymore  
>Oh, damn I hit Mall Santa<br>I wonder who's stalkin' me now  
>(Who)<br>Nana?

(I always feel like)  
>(Somebody's stalkin' me)<br>My brother wants to kill me  
>Whooooa, oh-oh<br>(I always feel like)  
>(Somebody's stalkin' me)<br>Tell me, is it fantasy

(I always feel like)  
>(Somebody's stalkin' me)<br>My brother wants to kill me  
>Whooooa, oh-oh<br>(I always feel like)  
>(Somebody's stalkin' me)<br>Can he really kill me  
>(Who's stalkin' me)<br>(I always feel like)  
>(Somebody's stalkin' me)<br>Oooooooh  
>Whooooa-oh-oh<br>(I always feel like)  
>(Somebody's stalkin' me)<br>So ? Did I kill Tobi  
>(Who's stalkin' me)<br>(I always feel like)  
>(Somebody's Stalkin' me)<br>Whooooa-oh-oh  
>(I always feel like)<br>(Somebody's stalkin' me)  
>Can he really kill me<br>(Who's stalkin' me)  
>(I always feel like)<br>(Somebody's stalkin' me)  
>Can he really kill me<br>Whooooa-oh-oh  
>(I always feel like)<br>(Somebody's stalkin' me)  
>Can he really kill me<p>

_**Itachi**_: Thank you all for enjoying my #1 single-

_**Kisame**_: Itachi.

_**Itachi**_: What! I was talking *anger*

_**Kisame**_: It was your only song, and it's not a hit, I don't even think this is a real radio station. We're like a bunch of kids playing pretend.

_**Itachi**_: Then where the hell are we?

_**Leader**_: Shut up! We are the Akatsuki and we just made our own radio station because the fans love us! Now get back to work before I give you two the double tap shotgun!

_**Itachi**_: Well due to my fear of our Leader and his persuasive actions I just have this to say. Most people who read our stories don't leave reviews or comments about us and that makes us upset. So send a message that contains a song parody you would like to hear any of us sing (parody lyrics) and leave a review or comment for us. Next on the list is Hidan with his new song parody Part of His Cult. (Part of Your World)


	4. Part of His Cult

**Naruto Non Cannon Non Sense**

_**K-I-L-L Radio Pt. 2 Hidan**_

'_Welcome everyone to K-I-Hockey-Styx music station! Where we play the hottest music by your favorite villains. Next we have a nice melody by Hidan of the Akatsuki. '_

_**Hidan: Part of His Cult**_

I can't see how a cult, that lets me kill so many people, can be bad.

Look at this corpse  
>Isn't it neat?<br>Wouldn't you think my cult complete?  
>Wouldn't you think I'm the guy<br>The guy who's killed everyone?  
>Look at this head<br>Secrets untold  
>How many bodies can one cavern hold?<br>Looking at them you think  
>Sure, I've killed a lot<br>I've got fingers and organs a-plenty  
>I've got teeth and eye balls galore<br>You want human heart?  
>I've got eighty!<br>But who cares?  
>No big deal<br>I'll kill more

I wanna be where the people are  
>I wanna hear, wanna hear them screaming<br>Screaming out those - what do you call 'em?  
>Oh - Pleas!<p>

Punching real hard, you kill them well  
>Knives are required for slashing, stabbing<br>Cutting right through a - what's that word again?  
>Throat<p>

Down where they'll stay, down where they're spun  
>Down where they'll rot all day in the sun<br>Wanderin' free - glad I can be  
>Part of his cult<p>

Who would I kill if I could kill all who I see?  
>What can I do to spend a dime killing all day every time?<br>Bet'cha in town they'd run and scream  
>That they don't understand what I do<br>I am winning, I keep killing  
>Ready to stab<p>

And ready to know what Jashin 'will know  
>Ask him my questions and pray for answers<br>What is death and why are they - what's the word?  
>Scared?<p>

When have I cared?  
>Wouldn't I love, love to kill all their belove?<br>Slashing up three  
>Glad I can be<br>Part of His Cult

What would I give to find where you are  
>What would I pay to cut there inside you<br>What would I do to see you, dying in fear  
>Where would you run<br>Where would you hide  
>If I can catch you from behind<br>Just you and me  
>Glad I can be..<br>Part of his  
>cult...[gets distracted by Deidara and Tobi fighting]<p>

I will be there  
>I will slash throats<br>And leave to kill with Jashin's devotes  
>Watch and they'll flee<br>Glad I can be  
>Part of his<br>cult. 

_**Kakuzu**_: (Slaps Hidan) Don't you dare go Disney!

_**Hidan**_: What the f**k! B*tch! You f**king wh*re! What the f**k was that for b*tch!

_**Kakuzu**_: Smooth Hidan, smooth. I'm surprised you didn't use that filthy mouth throughout the song.

_**Hidan**_: Now that the b*tch has stopped b*tching, I have a message for all of you whining b*tches that covers the world. Most people who read our stories don't leave reviews or comments about us and that makes me want to kill even more. So send a f*cking message that contains a song parody idea you would like to hear any of us sing (parody lyrics) and leave a review or comment for us or I will find you and f*cking kill every last one of you f*cking f*ck tards! The next song is Sasori with his dance song Puppet Rage (Poker Face).

_**Kakuzu**_: You should be ashamed.


End file.
